I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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