I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
