Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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