Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
