i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
