when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
