I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
