hotel room ftw
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
