well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
