Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
