I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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