Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im holly from the hills drunk
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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