Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
