yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
