Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
