Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
