Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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