pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize