Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
