I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
