How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
