Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
