I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
