would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
