IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
