My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
don't judge my taste in strippers
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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