I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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