No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she smelled like a LAN party
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
