I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
