Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
