look no pants
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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