Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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