I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
