I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
