So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
