had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
