remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
