Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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