saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
