What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
