Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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