I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
