I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I intend to get homeless drunk
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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