Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
