if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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