Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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