I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
