It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
