She said her name was "party"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
