You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
