Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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