We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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