Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
