i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
