I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
