ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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