I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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