before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
