my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
