Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
