i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
