Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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