marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize