What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I skipped work to stalk him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
