Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize