All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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