I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
