i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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