I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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